Firewheel Fellowship

I've gone to a new church for the past month, today I went to their formal "get to know us" class. The road to finding a new church home has been incredibly tough and discouraging but finally the discontent with the other churches paid off and I'm feeling part of something bigger. At first I was far too critical and thought "well at the Village they..." and would complete that with a statement that would make it entirely impossible for this other church to compare. Today I realized that a certain degree of discontent is a beautiful reminder that I'm not going to feel at home anywhere, and that church is not designed for my comfort.

So I met with Jeff Kinkade and said, "Thank you for preaching on the topics that don't have me going home feeling good about myself" -- he laughed. I wasn't kidding.

I talked to Chad and explained my desire to work with the teenagers. I admitted my inexperience of doing the whole church thing in high school, but did stress that I have experience being a teenage girl. With a big smile he said, "Would you want to go to Ecuador?" Things are going to work out beautifully.

It feels good to know I'm going to settle down for a bit. I want to root myself here.

he thought it first

Horror movies bother me.

I love a suspenseful, gory story line. I love demented characters, twisted thoughts, and grotesque actions. I love how vulnerable fear leaves you.

What don't like is knowing that someone had those thoughts in their head before they ever made it on the movie screen.

I have this friend who always disappears, but, without fail, always shows up when I need him close. I'm thankful for that.

Sunday Morning

The cement floor was cold against my knees. I could hear the shuffle of people making their way through the aisles and out of the room. There was the echoing of a voice asking another, "is she okay?." The question bounced through the nearly deserted room, under chairs to where I was.

There was something incredibly humbling about letting go in that moment. I was broken and without words: I didn't know what to ask, I didn't know what to say. I prayed "Lord, I want to be authentic."

a new life

6 months and 27 days later I found out what had caused my blood clot: I am positive for Factor V Leiden.

In the realm of bad news, this wouldn't even make the list. This is completely manageable and non threatening (providing I'm diligent about responding to warning signs), but there is something about being diagnosed that is tough. I, personally, don't like the lack of control in this situation. I didn't choose this. I wouldn't choose this. And now this is another part of me...I am Factor V Leiden.