worn out

I can't hide my emotions, and very seldom is this a problem. I prefer that people know how I'm feeling, as I wouldn't want them putting on a face around me. There are times and places that this is inappropriate, but for the most part, if I'm having a tough day I'll just come out and tell you.

And today is that day.

I absolutely forget about the seriousness of blood clots. Because all of my limbs are fully functional and I have a smile on my face, I figure I'm as healthy as the person next to me. The reality is a bit different. I suffer from extreme exhaustion, although this is something I do an okay job of hiding, it is seldom that I like to be outside of my home after 9pm, waking up in the morning is always difficult, and I haven't had a good nights rest in well over 8 years. My veins have a hard time pumping the necessary blood to my extremedities so the act of sitting often leaves me in pain as my body screams out its desire for me to position myself in a way that aids in this process. I have a swollen leg and arm, proof that my internal roadways resemble Dallas traffic, and a constant reminder that my recovery process is not going according to plan.
I like to imagine that everyone goes in for weekly blood tests, and have their doctor on speed dial. I don't want to be the only one of my friends who's doctor office know them by first name alone and who's records never actually get filed in the appropriate spot because of being a "special case."

Today I'm feeling alone in this. I'm feeling misunderstood. I'm worn out and desperate for some kind of relief.